The Twelfth Doctor
by esking
Summary: Nominate your picks and cast your votes! Who do you think should play the next Doctor? Eight candidates, eight drabbles, all suggestions welcome!
1. Chapter 1

**The Twelfth Doctor**

**I know a billion other people have probably already done this, but I was watching Eddie Izzard talking about the Daleks, and weird things occur to me when I watch Eddie Izzard. So I thought I'd conduct an experiment that may also serve as a writing exercise. I have collected a small sampling of actors whom I or one of my friends thinks would do the Doctor proud, and will include selected media in which to watch them. I will also include short drabbles of how I think their Doctor would be. Then I will ask you to cast your vote and/or submit your own Doctors, either with your written drabble, or you can direct me to their media and I can do my best. Thank you for your support!**

**Candidate #1**: Eddie Izzard. Because we need a Doctor who won't give you a paper cut when you hug him. We've got wit, relative genius, sarcasm, and platform shoes.

Selected works: acting- Roman Nagel (the guy who builds the projector) in Ocean's 12 and Ocean's 13. It's a small part but it leaves an impression.  
>Self- Eddie Izzard: the Daleks, Eddie Izzard: Star Trek, Eddie Izzard: Learning French (because 'je dois partir maintenant parce-que ma grand-mère est flambée' is an excellent escape line) and any other videos, all of which can be found on Youtube.<p>

**Candidate #2**: Benedict Cumberbatch (every wholockian's dream)

Selected works: Sherlock (duh), Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy - Peter Guillam, Atonement - Paul Marshall (another small roll, but exhibiting admirable acting skill, plus it's a great movie.)

**Candidate #3**: Eddie Redmayne. A debatable choice, but I was curious what a timid Doctor would be like, and I think he has great potential.

Selected works: My Week with Marilyn - Colin Clark, The Good Shepherd - Edward Wilson Jr. (and coming December 2012, Les Miserables, in which he will play Marius).

**Candidate #4**: Eoin Macken. I'm basing this only off his performance in Merlin. Jack Harkness, prepare to meet your match.

Selected works: Merlin - Gwaine (his first episode is season 3 episode 4 or 5, but by season 4 he is a regular), Centurion - Achivir (according to imdb. I haven't seen it), Siren - Ken (again, just from imdb).

**Candidate #5**: Billy Boyd. Another odd choice, and again I've only ever seen him as one character, but I love him and really think he could bring an interesting and unique angle to the show.

Selected works: The Lord of the Rings - Pippin (don't be put off by his goofball nature. It could be a real asset to the Doctor), On a Clear Day - Danny

**Candidate #6**: Simon Pegg. He's got it all, funny faces, science genius, sarcastic comebacks. An unhealthy interest in "excitement" (Star Trek)

Selected works: Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol - Benji, Star Trek (2009) - Scottie, Shaun of the Dead - Shaun

**Candidate #7**: Don Cheadle. It's time for a black Doctor. He's American, but has got a good British accent.

Selected works:"Ocean's 11, 12, 13" - Basher, House of Lies - Marty, Iron Man 2 - Rhodey, Crash - Graham Waters

And finally, purely for fun, **Candidate #8**: Michael J. Pollard. Because we were watching The Odyssey in class and my friend had a vision. He's old, fantastic, and has a Boston accent.

Selected works: The Odyssey - Aeolus (but it's only a 5 minute segment, so I would advise trying it on Youtube), Bonnie and Clyde - C.W. because that's the only other movie he's been in that anyone knows.

**For further information on all these actors, feel free to IMDb them and search for any other movies. **

**Ladies and gentlemen, cast your votes! Drabbles will follow soon. Please put any requests or comments in reviews, and send your drabbles to my PM inbox. Thanks again!**


	2. Cumberbatch

**Alrighty, well the first vote is in for Benedict Cumberbatch, and as I have just watched an episode of Sherlock followed by an episode of Doctor Who, I might as well write his drabble. Fun fact first: in "The Odyssey" when everyone's looking mournfully at Achilles' dead body…you can see him breathing. Way to go. **

Prompt from my stepfather for Cumberbatch's Doctor: Aliens who have big ears. I think I shall make up a new companion for each drabble, since companions are never constant. Or perhaps I shall keep the same companion for each Doctor. And perhaps I shall name her Rachel. That is a good name, don't you think? I could also called her Zoë Cottingham, or maybe Caitlin von Trapp, but I don't think I shall. No, I think her name shall be Rachel. Okay, here goes nothin'. Hold onto your butts and fasten your seatbelts. It's gonna be…well not bumpy at all. You're just sitting there. What's that? Sorry, that's Rachel. She's telling me to get on with it. Okay, I think I shall.

Another shudder nearly knocked the Doctor off his feet, and he seized onto the railing. The familiar wail of the parking brakes met his ears, and the TARDIS juddered to a halt. Panting, he looked over at Rachel, who was picking herself up off the floor.

"Really, Rachel," he said impatiently. "This happens _every time _we land. Surely by now you must have learned to hold on _before _the earth quake starts."

Rachel brushed her hair out of her eyes. "I was busy with the fire extinguisher." She tossed the empty red canister aside, punctuating her statement.

The Doctor merely turned, and walked to the TARDIS door. Rachel came to stand by his shoulder as he pulled the door open. Her jaw dropped.

"Come now Rachel," he said without looking at her, "you've seen plenty of aliens before, you've traveled with me for nearly nine months, must you really look like a fish out of water every time we land on a new planet?" His monotone voice barely registered through Rachel's cloud of astonishment.

"But…their _ears_," she murmured. "Look at their _ears._"

"My dear, you have seen abnormally large ears before," said the Doctor, entirely unimpressed by the sight before them. "On Earth. They're called elephants. And, if I might add, your ex-boyfriend's ears were rather large as well. But it is best not to dwell on such fixed traits. Come now. Trouble is afoot." For the first time since the start of the drabble a smile lit up his features and he grinned at Rachel, taking her hand. "Let us find out what it is!"

**I do fear it was a bit too Sherlock, but in either case, there it is. But ooh, watch this little bit stolen from the dreaming episode of season 5, but with Cumberbatch.**

"When you die in the dream, you wake up," said the man who called himself the Dream Lord. "Ask me what happens when you die in reality."

"I would imagine you die," said the Doctor instantly. "Thus the name, 'reality'."


	3. Macken

Eoin Macken

**I have just discovered an excellent Youtube video of some of his good Merlin moments, so for those of you who don't know the Mack-ster, here's a crash course: .com/watch?v=yksCfFABJyU&feature=related**

**He has received vote #2, at the request that he cut his hair. I shall be happy to oblige, because this is entirely too much fun.**

The Doctor ran a hand uncomfortably through his newly shorn hair, frowning. "I don't think this was such a good idea. Usually I stick with the hair I regenerate with."

"You looked like a hobo," said Rachel. "Trust me, this is much better."

The Doctor shrugged and sighed. There was no arguing with Rachel on the subject of hair, not if he wanted to spend the day anywhere other than sitting inside the TARDIS listening to her rant.

"Find then," he said. He gestured dramatically to the door, and gave Rachel a bow. "After you, milady." She took his proffered hand, and they stepped out onto a field of springy blue and red circular pads. Rachel bounced gently up and down, laughing delightedly.

"What is this place?"

"Watch." Without warning, the Doctor pulled her along and leapt off from the ground. They flew down over the side of a hill, landed on a red patch, and sprang up again, almost twenty feet in the air. He could hear Rachel cheering over the wind in his ears. They touched down and bounded along the trampoline pads, drawing nearer and nearer the looming Elastic City.

The entire place was made of rubber. Looking up, they could see the figures of people zooming between buildings, shot from giant slingshots. Buses and cars bounced rhythmically along the streets, hopping over and under pedestrians and each other.

The Doctor leaned over and whispered roguishly in Rachel's ear, "Don't forget your rubbers."

She punched him on the shoulder. "You did _not!_ You sick minded freak!"

"No, seriously!" he cried indignantly, "look!" He waved a hand all up and down the street. Every store was selling rubber clothes, bouncing bicycles, bouncing anything. She even saw an elastic vacuum cleaner.

"Up there!" Rachel pointed to several stories above them, where a bundle of brightly colored balloons floated in the middle of the street.

"He's gonna jump!" someone screamed, but they did not sound shocked or frightened, merely amused. As they watched, a figure fell from the balloons and landed right at Rachel's feet, and then went _boing!_ right back up to the balloons.

"I could get used to this," said Rachel, laughing and applauding.

The Doctor took her hand. "Then do. Vacation Destination: Elastic City. We can stay as long as you like."

**oOo**

The bouncing lost its novelty a little when they reached the restaurant and realized that the food-bearing waiters were also jumping gleefully up and down and off the walls, all while holding trays enclosed in shimmering semi-spheres, like bubbles.

"Gravity shields," the Doctor explained. "Keeps the center of gravity the bottom of the tray so the food stays put."

And sure enough, now that Rachel looked closer, she saw that while the waiters sprang wildly from wall to ceiling to floor, the food they carried never even wobbled.

A waiter landed lightly beside their table. "Hello, there!" he said brightly. "I'm Bobby Buoyant, I'll be taking care of you this afternoon. Can I start you off with something to drink?"

"Lovely," said the Doctor. "What do you want, Rae?"

"Just water." Bobby Buoyant made a note.

"And I'll have a bottle of your Bendyweg Bubbling Beer," said the Doctor.

"Great." Bobby Buoyant coiled and jumped all the way up to the ceiling and away.

The Doctor and Rachel sat for awhile, merely watching the goings on of the place. Rachel's eyes sparkled as they followed the whimsical hopping all over the room, not realizing that the Doctor's gaze never wavered from her face. His favorite part was her wonder, seeing her light up like Christmas every time they landed.

"Hey there, sweetheart." A blue-skinned man wearing a cowboy hat over short spiky hair landed next to Rachel. "What's a pretty thing like you doin' here all alone?" He wrapped his arm around Rachel's shoulders. She shot a look at the Doctor, who had stiffened, and was glaring at the man.

"I'm _not_ here alone," she said, removing the arm from her shoulders with her thumb and forefinger, holding the young man's wrist as one might a full bag of dog mess. She nodded to the Doctor. "See? That's my friend. I'm here with _him_. Notice how we're sitting at the same table?"

The man shook his head. "Pretty girl like you can do better than the likes of him. Why don't you come sit with me?" He gripped Rachel's arm.

"I'm flattered," said Rachel through gritted teeth, tugging her arm away. "But I think I'll stay here. With my _friend._"

Bobby Buoyant reappeared at that moment, setting a glass of water in front of Rachel and a rubber bottle in front of the Doctor.

The young man turned away, muttering, "Stupid bitch."

"Right." The Doctor's fist closed around the neck of the bottle and he vaulted over the table to beat it repeatedly against the man's head.

"Doctor!" cried Rachel, dragging him back. "You're the one that _stops _wars, remember?"

The Doctor released the man, who scuttled away.

**That was a bit longer than a drabble, sorry.**

**At this point I must say that I _really _want to go to Elastic City. Sigh. Please review and send in your votes! I'll try to upload another chapter tomorrow if I can, or Sunday if my conscience wins over and I actually write my essay. **

**Also, coming soon, a nomination has been sent in for Rupert Grint! Join us next time for...something involving him!**


	4. Grint and Pollard

**Rupert Grint**

**I'm so sorry I've dropped the ball on this! I've got votes in for Rupert Grint, Michael J. Pollard, and Simon Pegg, but since I've just started the planning stages for an elaborate Harry Potter fic, but I'll start with Rupert Grint. I'm also putting my own vote in for Robert Carlyle, who was considered to play the 11th Doctor. you can see him now as Mr. Gold/Rumplestiltskin in "Once Upon a Time." So, without further ado, Rupert Grint.**

Rachel's first thought when she saw the blue box in the middle of the alleyway was to wonder why a phone booth was blue, and why it was in the middle of an alley. She drew nearer and walked around to the front, at which point she noticed that the box was not in fact a telephone booth, but rather a "Police Box." Therefore her next thought was, _What the hell is a police box?_

The door opened and a man with a wide grin and startlingly orange hair stepped out. His grin widened when he spotted Rachel, and he approached her.

"Hello there."

"Hello…" said Rachel tentatively, tensing to run should the man prove, as he seemed, to be mad.

The man pointed to his head. "I'm ginger." His voice shook with giddy joy. "See, orange hair." He pulled at a lock of it to illustrate.

"Yes," Rachel agreed. She slid a small step back. He was quite definitely a mad man. With a box. "Yes, you are. Congratulations."

The man held his bangs in front of his eyes, marveling at the carrot orange strands. "Oh, oh. They're so _beautiful. _Look at them! They're gorgeous! I _love _being ginger! This is spectacular!" He looked back at Rachel, seeming to have only just noticed her. "Oh, hello. I'm the Doctor. The _ginger _Doctor."

He held out his hand. Rachel eyed it nervously, but then shook. "Rachel."

"Hello Rachel. Duck."

"What?"

"DUCK!" He pushed her down by the shoulder just as something exploded right where her head had been only a second before. Rachel screamed and crawled away, taking shelter behind a rubbish bin. She saw the ginger Doctor pointing a small, flashing thing which vaguely resembled a flash light. It gave off a high pitched humming noise, and then there was another explosion.

The Doctor nodded, satisfied, and turned to look at Rachel. "You can come out now."

Rachel rose to her feet, noticing as she did so that her legs were trembling. She drew approached the Doctor. On the ground at his feet lay a mutilated jumble of sparking wires and melted plastic.

"What the _hell _is that?" she croaked.

The Doctor waved his hands dismissively. "Just as assassin probe. Someone on this planet doesn't want me here." He grinned at Rachel, positively aglow, and took her hand. "Let's go find out who!"

_And since that one was so short, I'll cram in Michael J. Pollard. So here goes:_

**AN, I'm having this horrible feeling that all my Doctors are becoming the same, so I'm really sorry. Please still vote. **

"Are you ready for this? Are ya? Are ya? Are ya? Hmmm?" The Doctor threw the last switch, laughing manically. "The end of the universe, here we come! _Woohoo!_

The TARDIS rocked wildly, the floor pitched and knocked Rachel off her feet. Usually the ship would only shake once or twice before she steadied, but this time the quaking continued, intensifying, tipping almost horizontal.

"Doctor!" Rachel screamed over the clanking and banging. "What are you doing!"

The Doctor whooped insanely, clinging to the railing for dear life. "It's a space storm! Woohoo!"

"Doctor, I _really _hate you!"

"I know you do! HANG ON!" TheDoctor switched his grip from the railing to the console and grabbed a switch. The TARDIS bucked and flipped completely upside down, vibrated violently, flipped right side up, and jerked to a halt.

"HaHA!" cheered the Doctor. "You're impressed. Tell me you're impressed."

Rachel groaned and pulled herself up. She rubbed her bruised shoulder and rolled her neck. "Space storm," she grumbled.

The Doctor leapt and landed right in front of her. "Did you see _that!_ Expert driver! _Distinctive, _one might say." He straightened his lapels and brushed nonexistent dust off his shoulders in a nauseatingly self satisfied way. "You, my dear, are in the company of a complete and utter genius. Tell me you're not impressed."

Rachel rolled her shoulders back. "I'm in pain and I'm annoyed, and you are a _crazy old man_."

"Oh yes!" said the Doctor. He led Rachel by the hand to the front door and pushed it open. "But _we_ are in Paradise."

**Thanks for reading! Don't forget to vote. Next up, Simon Pegg and Robert Carlyle.**


	5. Pegg

**Simon Pegg**

**Just a heads up: I'm flying solo on this, taking Pegg completely from memory, so apologies if he sounds a little funky. Also, the voice I have is mostly Scottie from Star Trek.**

"Doctor, I think your psychic paper is…calling you." Rachel held up the little black wallet, which was vibrating gently. The Doctor rolled himself out from beneath the control panel he was repairing, and pushed his goggles up onto his forehead, leaving red circles around his eyes.

"What?" He hopped to his feet and took the psychic paper, held it to his ear, and sniffed it. "'S never done _that_ before." He flipped it open and read the message inside. "'Calling all penniless eleven-hundred-year-old geniuses.' Shouldn't it be genii? Geniusese?" He shrugged. "Must be a wrong number." He slid a sly look at Rachel.

Rachel folded her arms. "I'm not stroking your ego, it's big enough as it is."

"Ah, well, it was worth a try." The Doctor threw a switch as long as his arm. "Let's go then!" The TARDIS shuddered and they were off.

**oOo**

The TARDIS deposited them in a brightly lit, white corridor which at first appeared to be completely deserted. However, only seconds after they stepped out of the police box, a figure melted out of the white wall and hurried over to the Doctor and Rachel. He was proportioned like a human and stood upright like one, but, Rachel noted, he had a face rather like a cocker spaniel, with a furry snout and folded over floppy ears. His expression was rather difficult to discern, therefore, but his tone was desperate and harried.

"Oh, thank the Great WALTER." He clasped Rachel's hand in both of his. "Are you the penniless eleven-hundred-year-old-genius?"

"I-erm-" Rachel stammered.

The Doctor cleared his throat conspicuously. "Yes, hello," he said. "I'm the Doctor."

"Oh!" The dog man released Rachel and vigorously shook the Doctor's hand. "My name is Servant DDX-11. But titles are irrelevant, you must come with me at once!" He led them along the corridor. Servant DDX-11 had an odd, walrus-like waddle that nevertheless covered impressive distance in a short amount of time, and he seemed unaware that he was forcing the Doctor and Rachel to jog to keep up with him.

At long last they came to a plain white wall, and Servant DDX-11 stopped and turned to look at them. "Everyone's been in a bit of a state," he explained. Rachel could not shake the complete _weirdness_ of seeing the cocker spaniel's mouth opening and closing in time with the words. "So just…brace yourself. Here's the, er, _problem _we've been having. We were told you could fix it."

"Right," said the Doctor. He looked around expectantly. "Where, exactly?"

Servant DDX-11 walked straight through the white wall in front of him. Rachel gaped, but the Doctor clapped his hands delightedly. "Oh, that's _exciting_! That's matter recognition alloy right there. Hardest manufactured substance in the universe. Stop anything short of a super nova, but it's like air for any approved life forms."

Rachel raised her eyebrows. Tentatively, she pressed her hand against the wall. It vanished into the white as easily as if through gas.

"Let's take a look at this problem of theirs." The Doctor and Rachel stepped through the wall.

"Excellent!" The Doctor's eyes shone like a child on Christmas morning. They had found themselves in a massive cavern-like room that was almost completely filled with an enormous-

"Doctor," Rachel muttered out of the corner of her mouth, "is that what I think it is?"

"Yeah," was all the Doctor could say, nodding slowly, gaze fixed upwards. "And suddenly I really want a banana split."

"This," said Servant DDX-11, "is our lord and master, the Great WALTER."

"You named your giant banana Walter?" said Rachel dubiously.

"No, W.A.L.T.E.R," Servant DDX-11 spelled out. "The story of His creation: When all life took every risk, our Lord was born."

The Doctor let out a quiet gasp of realization, but Rachel continued, asking, "And…when all life took every risk, you got a…giant banana."

"Stop calling it a giant banana," the Doctor whispered in her ear. They had walked all the way around the banana, to where a group of seven more dog-men stood, all gathered around something Rachel couldn't see.

"It's the first great super computer," the Doctor said softly. He nodded to the dog-men. "They're the maintenance workers, specifically engineered using the DNA of dogs so they would be whole-heartedly loyal to the computer for as long as they lived. They worship it."

Rachel snickered. "They worship a giant banana."

_"Don't call it that!"_ The Doctor looked cautiously up at the super computer. "It's sentient." To the dog-men, he said, "So, how and why did you call me?"

One of the dog-men, a basset hound, leaned to another and muttered mournfully, "He doesn't _look_ eleven-hundred."

"I'm older than I look. So, what seems to be the trouble?"

A young blonde Labrador stepped pompously forward. "The computer just stopped working. Two days ago it just shut down. The only thing we could get out of it was that the man who could fix it was an eleven-hundred-year-old penniless genius."

"Well, that's me. Let's take a look." The Doctor pushed his sleeves up to his elbows and approached the banana. The second he touched it, his entire body went rigid, and then began to shake violently. Bright sparks of electricity shot up his hair, making it stand on end.

Rachel ran forward and yanked him away from the banana, and they both collapsed to the floor. The Doctor shook his head, but he was grinning.

"This is exciting! I think the computer wants to kill me!" He looked up at the banana. "Isn't that right, you big FRUIT!" He shouted. "Do you wanna kill me? I think you do!" The banana remained silent. "Oh, come on. You're a genius, you're almost as smart as me! Surely we're beyond the silent treatment."

He turned to the dog-men. "It's been depending on your blind obedience, but the thing about sentient beings is they grow, and learn, develop personalities. This one was just protecting its existence, must have accessed a file about me and realized who I was. It was just eliminating competition."

"Can you fix it?" asked Servant DDX-11 anxiously.

Without a word, the Doctor reached into his pocket and withdrew a gigantic hammer. The dog-men gaped. The Doctor merely winked. "Bigger on inside." He raised it above his head and whacked the banana as hard as he could.

There was a loud grinding noise, and the banana glowed bright blue.

"It's working!" the dog-men cheered. "It's working! Oh, _thank you _Doctor!"

The Doctor waved his hand, dismissing the thanks. He turned to Rachel. "Well, that's it for that then. How does a banana split sound?"

**And, in the words of the King from "Amadeus", there it is. Apologies if Pegg seemed OOC, I tried my best. Mr. YKWYA has been giving me more crap, so apparently I now owe him a story about a teddy bear getting drunk off a pina colada, and having something to do with Harry Potter. In order to not waste your time ("you" referring to those who actually read my _stories_ and not just the author's notes) I will tell you to just skip the next chapter, as it will be entirely the cracky teddy bear story.**

**Thanks again for all your support!**


	6. THE TEDDY BEAR

**THE TEDDY BEAR**

**If you are not Mr. You-Know-Who-You-Are, you are not required to read this chapter, however you may if you wish.**

**If you are reading this, and are not Mr. YKWYA, I will repeat my plea for help writing Darren Criss, and also Hugh Laurie, for a vote has been cast for him as well. I don't know either very well, so any pointers/descriptions would be most welcome. But now for the Epic of the Teddy Bear…**

This is Teddy. He is a tedd**y **bear. He's also a professional assassin. This may seem incongruous, however, there is governing logic: no one suspects a teddy bear. And Teddy was the best of the best. He was adorable and fluffy and had cute little sneakers, and was deadliness, lethalness, and fatality all rolled into one. Also, his sneakers were magic sneakers. They helped him sneak up on his victims.

Teddy had only one weakness: piña coladas. He could not resist them. (He was also not entirely averse to getting caught in the rain). One day, Teddy drank 15 piña coladas in a row.

Something important to know about teddy bears is they have ridiculously low alcohol tolerance, and can get tipsy after only one piña colada. Fifteen rendered Teddy nearly incapacitated.

As one might imagine, this would have been a very inconvenient time for him to be called with another, very important, mission. So of course that's when he was. The target: Harry James Potter. This would be a tricky one. Teddy would have to travel through the Library Door, into an alternate universe.

He staggered out the door and into the road, for the Library was across the street, but before he even reached the edge of the sidewalk, he was snatched by a pterodactyl and carried across the sea to Isla Nublar.

**Happy now?**


End file.
